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"maybe at one time I thought a poetic existence would be trying to figure out what excites me, and then doing that as much as possible but now I know it's about totally fucking transforming my vision so that there is color even between the space between home and leaving, color everywhere, magic as a default. I don't need to be entertained, don't need significant events to trigger excitement because I am learning to be excited by it all, really loving such little things."
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great day today. finally had it off, much needed. went to burlington with jessa earllyy cause she had to be at yoga/therapy. took her car downtown, had a smoothie at muddy waters. went to the house, picked up mike fried, had a short rehersal and took to the streets of burlington with our instruments. seriously, busking is changing my life. it's making me so much more confident, adventurous. i'm not afraid of strangers anymore. it's amazing how many people will just come up to you and strike up a conversation, or give me compliments. even just having people smile when they walk by is payment enough. but the cash isn't bad either. i feel like learning to play music and losing my fear of singing in front of people is going to give me endless potential for traveling. i feel like i can make at least a little money anywhere i go just playing and singing and it feels great. we didn't make very much today, but we did run into my friend jordan from freshman year, who was also about to start busking on guitar. him and his friend whipped out their guitars and we had this hilarious performance of "what i got" by sublime. two guitars, an accordion, and a melodica. incredible. i had a man smile at me and compliment my voice, and come back a few minutes later with 5 bucks. later we ended up back at the house, and got in an argument with brent within 10 minutes. he was arguing against locking our doors because of some bullshit philosophical viewpoint about how locking our doors represents how sad society has become. okay, fine, but no one is going to give a fuck about your philosophy about society when all of our shit gets stolen/we get murdered in our sleep. should be an interesting year.
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so in direct contrast from my last whiny post, my life has been considerably more social the past two days.

yesterday rainer texted me and said he was having people over at two to swim. i went over there and ended up spending the afternoon/evening with emma, rainer, colter, allie, and neil. i am just so freaking picky with group dynamics, but this was a pretty good combination. i had a lot of fun, and also got to talk to colter a little which rarely happens. found out his dad plays button accordion and now i just want to go hang out with him/get lessons. haha. that evening, i went to harry potter with jessa and staff aids from the camp she's working at. i was really hesitant what with the tornado warning ( i have dreams about them at least once a week. including last night.) and the awkwardness of new people. it turned out alright, and regardless of everyone hating the new movie, i kind of enjoyed it. i think i was in that middle ground where i didn't remember the book well enough to get pissed at the differences, but i knew enough about the background to not be confused or bored.

today i headed into rutland to get my drivers license updated. 45 bucks, ugh. went to petco with zack and taylor, got pizza. i remembered that friday night live was happening (rutland has a live band and closes off the streets every friday night) so zack and i brought our instruments and set up shop in front of a restaurant owned by 12 tribes people. this one kid came up to me and was like "hey that's the exact accordion i used to have, i've been playing for six years" etc. i made him play something for me, and he was epic. he invited us to go jam with them at their house, but considering they are sort of like a cult, and i had to go home soon i passed it up. i think i might go to that restaurant another day and find him though. anyway, since i'm a terrible musician and zack and i had never played together, we sort of just traded off songs. at one point a big crowd gathered, but it was right in the beginning when we hadn't worked anything out, so it quickly dispersed. haha. after about a half hour, we made about 6 bucks. impressive considering how amateur and ridiculous we are. also may i say how proud i am of myself for being able to pull off performing in the street. i'm pretty shy, and was definitely always to scared to sing in front of people but tonight i was singing with zack, talking up random people walking by, and not fucking up. maybe i've found my calling, haha.

anyway,i'm going to try and make that a weekly gig, because if we get andrew on guitar i think we could make some serious cash. coming up to the weekend and i have no idea what my work schedule looks like sunday/next week! okay, shower time i think!
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
frontier ruckus
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this weekend has been, interesting to say the least.

i've been able to take the car out two nights in a row, and i've already started lying to my parents.

for exampleee, tonight i said i was going to ben's and then the cornmaze. i ended up in the center of rutland, in the rain, on a really foggy night, with ben in the car. how many laws did i just break? we met taylor and we were gonna go to denny's or something, but that was lame, so we just left and went to mirandas, which was also lame. i put like 30 extra miles on the car, hopefully my parents don't notice.

i love how i don't have any real friends. all the people i hang out with lie to each other, we all hate hanging out together now, everyone just ditches each other for drugs. ew.

in any event, SATs this mornign were wicked easy, so i probably got a 1000 or something terrible. i'm visiting st lawrence monday, shoudl be exciting. i'm sad about missing the first full musical practice.

andrew on the 18th :)

this entry has been all over, sorry
Current Mood:
weird weird
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aaaahhhh license test at 12 today. here's hoping i dont fail it :)
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hey so i haven't posted in about a week. i keep trying to post a bunch of pictures, but everytime i do a mass upload to photobucket, it doesn't work and i get frustrated and give up.

but basically, here's what i've been up to:

new semester is pretty good, trigs gonna suck though.

i've been hanging out with my "new friends", which is basically just andrew and todd and all the crazy kids that go with them.

i know this is awful, but this whole week has basically just been like "shit, how do i break up with todd." i kinda made a half assed attempt yesterday, but it really didn't work.

today was good. after SAT class, i had to go to the thrift store because i got pressured into doing some volunteer stuff with jessa, allie, emma, and dustin. we basically got to pick out stuff then run around town in the snow, and got a 5 dollar gift certificate out of it, which is a lot of money considering it's the thrift store. then we went to the cafe, obv. andrew was there, so we hung out there for quite a while. then dan and harry came, so i was all like "STRATEGO!" cause i like getting my ass kicked by genius dan in that. hanging out with nerds is completely underrated, poeple really should try it more often.

so after thaaaat, i parted ways with the girls, and went with dust, andrew, harry, and dan to the sammich shop, cause sammichs are good. however, i got ambushed with interrogation by dan about the todd/tyler situation. i didn't really mind beign questioned though, hopefully he can keep those kids from killing eachother.


it snowed today, and it's awesomeeeeeee.

i think im gonna go try to attempt to put some pictures up in a few minutes, we'll see.
Current Location:
since when is there a location box?
Current Mood:
complacent complacent
Current Music:
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i just looked at the clock and saw that it was 12:07 and thought that i should probably get dressed and go do something with the day.

as it turns out, it's night time, no way mannn.


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i have to work today. from 12:30 to 5. washing dishes at the lilac because sheri always guilt trips me into doing stuff. its like a brunch at 12:30 and then a civil union at 3.

my parents are going to new hampshire to buy a new computer since the downstairs one decided to die.

marley and sam are home alone. so i have to walk about a mile home by myself. a mile is alot for me. haha. especially when its like, 5 degrees out. eeeek. i think i'll just make a lot of stops along the way.
lets see i neeeed:
x more insense
x candy
x an egg roll
x coffee
x money
x annd maybe a movie from showtime.

i like the fact that i can get everything i need today just on my walk home. yay for small towns. buttt, there goes my paycheck for work today. funny how that works.

oh and

FEBRUARY BREAK IS STARTED ...10 days off babayyy

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a day late..but i'm posting it anyway.

this is what i did yesterday in my free time.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

its funny cause
1)thats my brother
2) i accidently put his head where the turkey's butt is in real life.


Current Mood:
amused amused
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so i've had people at my house since tuesday. eek. our cousins came yesterday and left this afternoon. and my mom-mom and uncle have been here since tuesday. adn they're leaving tomorrow, thank god. last night i played hide and seek for like, 2 hours. i love that game, especially when its relaly dark. haha.

so exactly a year ago i started working at sabines. i really wish they hadn't closed...it was like the best job ever. i was in "gourmet provence" which is the place that took it over and it made me sad. soo many good memories. :( ah well.

agh on monday i stayed after and was in the lobby for a half hour waiting. the only other person there was patrick. awkwarrrddd. we didnt talk at all. it really sucks how things worked out.

i have yearbook stuff to do, and a take home history test.

tomorrow is saturday which means only 2 more days of weekenddd. i can't wait till winter break.

ps. i've had this background on my lj for exactly a year.
i know this because i'm ocd about looking at the archive for my entries and seeing how this day was a year ago. or 2.
Current Mood:
nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music:
death cab for cutie-what sarah said
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ladder 49 is a really really sad movie.
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its snowinggggggggggg.

and its october 25th.

and i have homework.

but i'm not going to do it.

yay . yay . yay.

Current Mood:
happy happy
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i got my ipod.


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holy shit. we have dsl NOW.

internet is so fast.

its about time.

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man, for 20 minutes i wasn't going to have to work. i called to see when breakfast was and hani told me that there would only be 14 people, so they didn't need me. then, 20 minutes later she calls and tells me i have to work because theres 4 more people. then she says "so thats one table of 4 and two tables of two". so i'm thinking i'm working alone then because theres no way they'd need 2 people for 8 people. i'm also thinking that when i originally called she said 4 people as opposed to 14. i guess i'll see tomorrow. thankfully breakfast is at 8, and not 7, so i have to be there at 7 instead of 6. oy. i just wish i wasn't working at all.

wow. i posted 3 times today. that is awful.

Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
the shins-caring is creepy
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yesterday was mucho fun. after the parade where i saw malisa(!!!) i went to rainers with jessa and miranda because his mom was having a party. so we got in the hot tub with like, 11 other people then jumped in the pool. the afternoon pretty much was continuos swimming/hot tubbing. it was awesome. :D of course, there was the 8th grade drama going on , with one guy too afraid to ask grace out etc...


i had to get up this morning at 5. it blew. so i got ready and went back upstairs to get a ride, and my dad FREAKED OUT AT ME. i dont even know why. i just was like "are you ready" and he like..ugh. i dunno. yelled. alot. so that pissed me off. i was abotu to get off work at 9:30, and then this stupid couple came down and ate for 45 minutes. hani and i set up the whole dining room for tonight. finally i got to leave... and i called for a ride. and my dad freaked out at me AGAIN. he was like "oh i just was in town 5 minutes ago and nobody will empty the dishwasher" and i was just like "what does that have to do with me". soooo i had to walk. which also sucked alot alot alot. i'm currently avoiding my dad because i know as soon as i see him i'm going to start yelling. i think i'm just going to go jump in the pool with my clothes on, relax, then work again at 3. dinner reservations for tonight at 7:30. should be nice.
Current Mood:
discontent discontent
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so everybody is gone now. i had a really good time. i think i managed to hang out with joe without ignoring jessa and thats VERY good. i sat between them at dinner except jessa kept putting parsley in my grape juice. yea, that was fun. so then joe and i went upstairs to my room to talk. he told me about his amazing trip to france, i told him of my stupid nothingness spring break. he told me how the sky looked realyl pretty. so i told him i wanted to play in the rain. and we did. when we came back in it was dessert time. yummmm. jessa, joe and i went into the living room to read found. joe gave me a big hug when he left. :)

and now, everybody is gone.

and theres 1 more day of spring break.

and then its back to school for the remainder of the school year.

spring break has been really good for me. i've been outside alot. and i dunno, i've just felt happier.

i'm really glad joe came tonight. i felt more..myself. i laughed more (mostly because of jessa) and i wasnt afraid to say whatever i wanted. i like that. hopefully that makes up for all the stupid things i've been doing lately and the weird way i usaully am around joe. its odd how jessa sort of balances things out between us. and nice. so my mood is just that. nice.
Current Mood:
thankful nice. hehe
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this one is my favorite:

picturess. 8 behind cut. stormyy weather, since my man and i ain't togetherCollapse )

sorry for so many. :/

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picture time.

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